My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
