I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize