You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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