I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
