I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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