I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
