Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
