You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who died my cat blue again?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
