last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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