OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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