I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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