I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there's paper in my vomit.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The ass gains better be worth it
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