Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
