Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love black thongs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
