I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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