I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
