i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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