I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
