I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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