They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize