Kiss
Puke
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
