I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
