Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize