How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
