I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
