plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
