I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
