you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
