I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
