woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
