Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
