Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
