so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
