How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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