It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
