he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
