sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
