So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
