my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my moral compass just broke
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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