YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
