I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can Purell be used as lube?
Say something about gay babies.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
