no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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