Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
