I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
