Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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