Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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