we have officially lost it.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
