well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
