so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I supernannyed him into submission
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
