whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
