I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
