I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
