So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
