Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
