I just cut my nipple shaving
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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