The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
