I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize