You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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