Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
