he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
