So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
