May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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