It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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