He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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