operation have a gay friend backfired
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize