Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
