Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
