i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize