Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
