This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
