I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
