Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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