This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
