dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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