I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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