pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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